so, today was’nt the best. I had a misserable day in atoss today. The teacher just goes on and on about politics. Driving me nuts! I feel like i have been doing better. Im getting all my school work done. But, tonight at dinner we had tacos. I was’nt really hungry but i ate anyways. I had 3 soft tacos and a taco salad…now that i think about it, i didnt need that much! :/ I need to start making smarter decisions about everything. Food, school, choices, anger,ect. I feel fat. It was a wake up call to hear my Dad say “you think you got enough? have you checked the scale lately?” it hurt my feelings, but i would be working out everyday but i cant because i dont have my Thyroid pills just yet. I’m not even sure when i’ll be getting them. I love going running. It gets me in the mode to where i forget about everything and it lets me run away from my problems for awhile. I just need to get away from everything. I so wish i could be running right now. I guess i’ll need another way to relieve my stress.. With all this work coming at me, i really need to find another way, some way, and some way soon..
Just when i thought i found myself..when everything was back to normal, and had left the past in the past. I dug myself into even a bigger hole. I cannot bare to see what is to come out of all of this. This is’nt who i am. I’m a nice, sweet, loving, and caring girl and for me to be acting this way…just is not natural. I don’t just need to find myself but i need to also change my ways. For the BETTER! Everything can get really ugly, really quick. I hate myself for all that i have done. I hate how i’m not being me. The only person to blame is myself and only myself. I should’ve just walked away..but no, i did’nt. I wish that only i could go back and have been different in the situation. But, the past is the past, and all you can do is go forward into the future, because the furture is a mystery. I just hope to get better. Not just for myself but for others too. Just when i thought i found myself…
I have been so emotional about my Gigi’s past. It hurts so much knowing she is’nt here anymore. I believe she’s with me in spirit though. I miss those days when you did’nt care what you looked like, or how you dressed, or having to look good for someone. The simple days when family was all that was important. I am going to step back and focus on my life, family, and my school work. It is so hard having to move on from someone you were once so close with. I just hope she know’s she’s been on my mind for a lot today. She is all i could think about. I miss you so much Gigi. I hope your looking down on me. I hope you visit me in my dreams every night Gigi, I love you so much.
Love, Your Great Granddaughter Ashley.
This is my Great Grandma Gigi. She was such an amazing person who will never leave my heart. She was 81, about to be 82 on October 30th. She passed away last night at 8:05 just when we said our goodbyes and left..she passed away :’( Words cannot explain how upset I am. She always made you laugh and walked you to the door everytime we were leaving. She always had the beautifuliest smile. I’m lucky for two reasons, 1: because not many people get to meet their Great Grandparents, and 2: because i got to say goodbye before she went to a better place. It hurts to know she’s not going to be here to visit and to talk to..but she is in a better place looking down on all of us. It hurt’s knowing what all she had to go through but now she is in a better place with some of her other family. Yes, it hurts so much..I cry everytime i think about it, but..i have to keep my head up. I know she would’nt want me crying all the time. I just want her to know that she was loved by a lot of people, and that she will never be forgotten. I Love You Gigi. R.I.P.
Today was’nt a bad day after all. My first day of school was’nt all that bad but i cannot believe how much i have to get done next week.. My classes are alright. Not really fun. Especially when your ex boyfriend you DO NOT like is in your class. Pray for me. lol
Tomorrow is the first day of the 10th grade. It seems like im nervous but yet, its like a fresh beginning. I know i shouldn’t be nervous, I mean yeah it is school but yet i am nervous. About little things i guess you can say. I know who all to trust and not to trust. Its crazy how so many people can be two faced and childish. This year i am not going to get involved in drama.. Im going to make up for lost time and make this best of this year. This year im going to focus on my grades and focus on work. im gonna work on me this year and be who i once was.. Wish me luck..
Seems like summer was just a day long..tomorrow is the first day of school in the 10th grade. The first day of school is always nerve racking for me. I don’t know whats going to happen, weither i have people in my class i know, or absolutly do not know anybody in my class. I always fear i’m going to be a loner..do i make any sense?? I just need to put all my nerves aside and just make the best of it. Wish me luck..